This video of mine got 150,000 views on Youtube. Thousands of comments and "likes" & what not. I never promoted it even a bit. Yet it grew on its own and continues to do so.
In July 2021, I got the Covid vaccine. And the very next day got a strange, loud & piercing ringing in my ears which just wouldn't go away. Imagine a high pitched train horn continuously playing in your ears. That became permanent for me. A few days later, I also developed a debilitating sensitivity to loud sounds which started giving me physical pain. Someone's loud laughter? My ears couldn't take it anymore. Those two conditions are called Tinnitus and Hyperacusis, respectively. My ears were shot.
So naturally, I went to Doctors. Many doctors. Spent lakhs. I was on steroids for many months, but it didn't help. In fact, they finally said that there's no cure for it and I might lose my hearing. So I took it upon myself to find some treatment for it. I found a combination of some meds and exercises which worked for my Tinnitus. The ringing really dropped, as if by magic. And for the Hyperacusis, I went to an audiologist (a physiotherapist for ears) and did a course of exercises.
These things fixed me. And while challenges remained, looking at my inspiring progress, my audiologist requested me to share my story online. So I did. Which is where this video came from.
Since then, I've got over thousands of comments and messages. Countless people have said that my videos "saved their lives" and "gave them hope". Some went as far as saying that it "stopped them from committing suicide". Too far, in my opinion. But okay.
Now all that may sound nice, but it's not what I wanted from life. It's the exact opposite. I am a musician, and have been at it for over 20 years. And I can say it with full honesty that I've worked on my craft with all heart & soul. And it shows. Yet, despite all the years, blood, sweat & tears, how did it all come to this?
I always dreamt of being a famous musician. Why did I end up becoming famous amongst people with hearing disorders? What kind of a sick joke is this?
Now I get messages EVERYDAY, from people desperate about Tinnitus & Hyperacusis. When did I become a free doctor/therapist? People then go to my music videos & drop comments saying "Tinnitus Tinnitus". What the fck!
Obviously, I didn't plan this. As a musician, I've grown up dreaming about "popularity" of this kind. It's been a childhood hope. But watching that dream getting bulldozed like this? It makes me sick. I often think about deleting these videos to not attract anymore of this. But then I stop, knowing that they're probably helping someone. But why am I a part of all this?
The entire episode of this illness & dealing with it has taught me something very profound: It's that things don't always go as per plan. And no matter how you try to analyse it, sometimes there's no "lesson" to neatly tie things together. Shyt happens. Often how you least expect it.
All you can do is improvise.
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